I turned 36 a couple of weeks ago, and never got the opportunity to do a birthday blog entry. A year ago around this time I got promoted and found out I was pregnant, and since then, it has been quite an adventure. Time suddenly sped up even faster than before, and minutes turned into hours turned into days turned into months into weeks, and now I've been back at work for six weeks and a year has gone by since all of this began. Now I have this little baby that I get to see everyday, and somehow it makes everything less awful. I do so much more with my time than ever before, I look back on my relaxed, indulgent pre-baby life with wonder. Also, my previously troubled relationship with my mother has somewhat resolved itself--all because of the baby. I talk to my mom almost everyday now, which would have been unthinkable a year ago. We have the baby to focus on instead of each other, and talking about her is like a kind of common language between us. Recently my mom actually told me she was proud of me for sticking with the breastfeeding, because my baby is clearly very healthy and growing quite well. I can't remember the last time my mom said she was proud of me.
I am not one to romanticize anything in this life, and my overly realistic point of view prevents me from feeling warm and fuzzy about many things. (If you need proof, see some earlier blog entries.) That said, I am amazed at how happy this baby has made me! I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I think about how big she's grown on my milk alone, and every little advance she makes fills me with awe. I was most surprised by how much I love her--I mean of course you love your own baby, but I really am kind of obsessed with her. When I don't see her for a little while, I get anxious, and when I'm on my way to pick her up, I'm really happy. She's just so neat! I never thought I would be as obsessed as I am--and I'm sure nature intended it to be this way between mothers and babies--so there you go. I just don't know how I deserve to have such a beautiful, smart little being in my life.
It's almost embarrassing to talk about though, so I rarely mention this to other people. In fact, I am so hyper-aware of becoming one of 'those people' who turn every conversation into one about their kids, that I actively try to change the subject most of the time when she does come up in idle conversation with coworkers. After all, no one who isn't family is really that interested in hearing about my kid. And if they ask, they're just being polite. It's hard b/c she is on my mind all of the time, and I naturally want to talk about her, but I have to restrain myself, or risk alienating friends. And god knows I need the social interaction!
Right now I am probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. Seriously. I feel so on top of things, so connected, so in control. Even my post-baby body can't get me down, at least not for long. I'm going to Zumba again, and I know I'll eventually lose more of the weight and will somewhat resemble my former self. But the best part is, I don't even care that much. Everything is so fleeting and temporary, time just races by, and I'm too busy trying to catch moments and make them last.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
First post this side of parenthood.
It has been a while since I've written anything in this blog. I had the baby on December 6th, and she is beautiful! In fact, she has her own blog, ChickinBaby.
What can I say about parenthood so far that doesn't sound like a cliche? Having a baby does in fact change your life, that is true. My priorities now center around her. But what they don't tell you is, you will still find some time for yourself. It may be only 20 minutes to take a shower at first, but eventually you will have more and more time. I can read or watch tv at night for an hour after she goes to bed, and before I have to head to bed, so that's not too bad! News flash: life doesn't end when you have a baby, despite what some melodramatic parents may have told you. If you have certain hobbies or interests, you will still find time to do them, just not as much. And life takes a lot more planning than it used to. My head is constantly spinning to anticipate what baby will need and when.
And the other thing that people tell you but that I think will still come as a surprise--how little you care about the lost personal time. That baby will win you over, believe me!
I think people who let themselves die out in order to take care of baby are doing both themselves and their baby a disservice. I want my baby to have interesting parents! I don't want her to look back and say, 'oh this is what mommy was like before me--she gave it all up.' My husband finds it especially difficult to stomach other people's comments on new parenthood. The cliche for women is that they get fat and become babycentric. The cliche for men is that they get fat too, b/c who has the time to work out once baby arrives? Well, my husband does. He is an acknowledged addict with working out, and works out 5 days a week. Instead of stopping or cutting down his workouts, he simply switched them to the mornings before work instead of nights after work. While it has been a tough transition for him to break a 25-year habit of nighttime workouts, he is doing it, and is proof that it can be done, IF something is as important to you as working out is to him.
I still have 15 pounds to lose, so I will return to working out next month, albeit gradually. My gym membership kicks back in, so I'll start going to classes a couple of nights a week at first. I can go at night b/c I will be the one getting up with baby in the mornings and bringing her to daycare while he works out, so a couple of nights I can leave to workout for an hour while he cares for her. It's all about cooperation and compromise.
The first few weeks at home with a newborn were difficult, especially for me. Recovering from a section, my body sore from adjusting to not being pregnant, plus lack of sleep equaled a near-fugue state. But things have evened out a lot, and now this is week 10 and I am amazed at how far we've come. Baby naps in the morning and the afternoons, and for the most part, sleeps at least 6-10 hours at night! We are lucky to have a fairly easy baby though, from what I hear. The next stage is to transition back to work for me and to daycare for baby, which I'm sure we will both conquer with flying colors, though it will be difficult at first.
The best advice I could give to a new parent is: it gets easier. Try to enjoy the early days because they don't last long! You will feel more like yourself with every passing week, but with a difference.
What can I say about parenthood so far that doesn't sound like a cliche? Having a baby does in fact change your life, that is true. My priorities now center around her. But what they don't tell you is, you will still find some time for yourself. It may be only 20 minutes to take a shower at first, but eventually you will have more and more time. I can read or watch tv at night for an hour after she goes to bed, and before I have to head to bed, so that's not too bad! News flash: life doesn't end when you have a baby, despite what some melodramatic parents may have told you. If you have certain hobbies or interests, you will still find time to do them, just not as much. And life takes a lot more planning than it used to. My head is constantly spinning to anticipate what baby will need and when.
And the other thing that people tell you but that I think will still come as a surprise--how little you care about the lost personal time. That baby will win you over, believe me!
I think people who let themselves die out in order to take care of baby are doing both themselves and their baby a disservice. I want my baby to have interesting parents! I don't want her to look back and say, 'oh this is what mommy was like before me--she gave it all up.' My husband finds it especially difficult to stomach other people's comments on new parenthood. The cliche for women is that they get fat and become babycentric. The cliche for men is that they get fat too, b/c who has the time to work out once baby arrives? Well, my husband does. He is an acknowledged addict with working out, and works out 5 days a week. Instead of stopping or cutting down his workouts, he simply switched them to the mornings before work instead of nights after work. While it has been a tough transition for him to break a 25-year habit of nighttime workouts, he is doing it, and is proof that it can be done, IF something is as important to you as working out is to him.
I still have 15 pounds to lose, so I will return to working out next month, albeit gradually. My gym membership kicks back in, so I'll start going to classes a couple of nights a week at first. I can go at night b/c I will be the one getting up with baby in the mornings and bringing her to daycare while he works out, so a couple of nights I can leave to workout for an hour while he cares for her. It's all about cooperation and compromise.
The first few weeks at home with a newborn were difficult, especially for me. Recovering from a section, my body sore from adjusting to not being pregnant, plus lack of sleep equaled a near-fugue state. But things have evened out a lot, and now this is week 10 and I am amazed at how far we've come. Baby naps in the morning and the afternoons, and for the most part, sleeps at least 6-10 hours at night! We are lucky to have a fairly easy baby though, from what I hear. The next stage is to transition back to work for me and to daycare for baby, which I'm sure we will both conquer with flying colors, though it will be difficult at first.
The best advice I could give to a new parent is: it gets easier. Try to enjoy the early days because they don't last long! You will feel more like yourself with every passing week, but with a difference.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Last post on this side of parenthood.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and could go at any time now, so I thought I would make a last post here on this side of parenthood. Let's reminisce for a minute about the stuff I used to take for granted.
1. Drinking red wine at night
2. Being able to grocery shop at night, together
3. Being able to leave the house at night, together
4. Going out to eat
5. Going to the movies
6. Going to concerts
7. Wasting time on the internet
8. Going to Zumba and the gym
9. Going out for a run, together
10. Having friends
11. Going to happy hours after work
12. Going to parties at other people's houses
13. Working late if I wanted to or needed to
14. Staying up really late and sleeping late on weekends
15. Eating cereal for dinner sometimes
16. Buying music or clothes whenever I wanted
17. Watching tv at night when I get home after work
18. Not using coupons, ever
19. Spending money on superfluous items at the farmer's market
20. Seeing family once a month, tops
I know my life is going to change big time, everyone seems keen on reminding me of that. But I'm anxious to meet the baby and get the show on the road, already! Even though we are still sleeping in the baby's room as my husband tries to finish up our upstairs sleeping area, even though all of the baby furniture is still in my dining room, even though I've run out of places to put baby clothes and accoutrements, I'm ready! I never thought I would get here, but here I am. I think the hormones are kicking in finally, and I'm feeling maternal and ready to snuggle that baby.
Lately I've been waxing a tad nostalgic, listening to music that I listened to from high school to college years, music that I haven't listened to since, music that still evokes a certain period of my life when I hear it. I think I've been reliving those years through the music, remembering what I was like back then, what my life was like, what I thought my future would be, what I thought was important. I will never be young again, but it's nice to be able to reconnect with the past through music, to know that you are still the same person through the years, albeit changed in many ways.
This pregnancy has gone by in the blink of an eye, but I'm glad I've had some time to reflect and think about what and who I've been before baby comes and steals the spotlight. It's no longer about me and what I want, and that's just fine. I've lived 35 years trapped inside my own head, and I'm ready to have someone else to live for, to be the reason I get excited about things, instead of feeling jaded and worn down all the time by life. I don't know what parenthood holds in store for me, but I am very interested in meeting my baby girl and getting to know her and to watch her unfold and develop into a person. Wish me luck!
1. Drinking red wine at night
2. Being able to grocery shop at night, together
3. Being able to leave the house at night, together
4. Going out to eat
5. Going to the movies
6. Going to concerts
7. Wasting time on the internet
8. Going to Zumba and the gym
9. Going out for a run, together
10. Having friends
11. Going to happy hours after work
12. Going to parties at other people's houses
13. Working late if I wanted to or needed to
14. Staying up really late and sleeping late on weekends
15. Eating cereal for dinner sometimes
16. Buying music or clothes whenever I wanted
17. Watching tv at night when I get home after work
18. Not using coupons, ever
19. Spending money on superfluous items at the farmer's market
20. Seeing family once a month, tops
I know my life is going to change big time, everyone seems keen on reminding me of that. But I'm anxious to meet the baby and get the show on the road, already! Even though we are still sleeping in the baby's room as my husband tries to finish up our upstairs sleeping area, even though all of the baby furniture is still in my dining room, even though I've run out of places to put baby clothes and accoutrements, I'm ready! I never thought I would get here, but here I am. I think the hormones are kicking in finally, and I'm feeling maternal and ready to snuggle that baby.
Lately I've been waxing a tad nostalgic, listening to music that I listened to from high school to college years, music that I haven't listened to since, music that still evokes a certain period of my life when I hear it. I think I've been reliving those years through the music, remembering what I was like back then, what my life was like, what I thought my future would be, what I thought was important. I will never be young again, but it's nice to be able to reconnect with the past through music, to know that you are still the same person through the years, albeit changed in many ways.
This pregnancy has gone by in the blink of an eye, but I'm glad I've had some time to reflect and think about what and who I've been before baby comes and steals the spotlight. It's no longer about me and what I want, and that's just fine. I've lived 35 years trapped inside my own head, and I'm ready to have someone else to live for, to be the reason I get excited about things, instead of feeling jaded and worn down all the time by life. I don't know what parenthood holds in store for me, but I am very interested in meeting my baby girl and getting to know her and to watch her unfold and develop into a person. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Let's demonize textbooks!
I work in the textbook industry. I see article after article about how students can get free or lower-cost textbooks by renting or reading online, complaining that so-called traditional textbooks cost too much and add too much of a financial burden to students pursuing degrees. You even have sites like 'Textbook Revolt,' founded by two former university students, where students can swap textbooks for free. People definitely seem pissed off that textbooks are so dang expensive, and they're mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore! Or something like that.
How exactly did textbooks become the de facto symbol of the Man in the realm of higher education? While it is true that publishing companies in the past decade have been bought up by conglomerate corporations, only interested in shifting units and increasing the bottom line, what else has changed?
If you ask me, the undue focus on the cost of the textbook is a device designed to keep students from asking questions in the right places, and to keep people from seeing the real problem. Almost no one defends the textbook or extolls its virtues, and the work that goes into creating a textbook is 'invisible' and therefore not valued. That work is devalued not only by the post-secondary academic audience, it is also devalued within the publishing company itself, with workers increasingly being laid off and replaced by offshore vendors. Those workers who remain must now do the job of at least 2 people, thus straining the quality and attention that can be given to any one product at a time. That's right, it's no longer a 'textbook,' it's a product--an abstraction that accounts for numbers in a spreadsheet. Now in publishing we have editors who don't edit, they product manage, and we have production folks who manage vendors in India to copyedit, typeset, and publish these products, work that used to be done here in America. It's easy to be cynical about textbooks these days because the undue attention paid to textbooks in the past 10 years has made the publishing industry into the monster that people claimed it always was: treat textbook publishers like evil incarnate corporate monsters, and over time, they will more and more resemble that monster.
By saying textbooks are too expensive, are people really saying that the knowledge that they contain isn't worth diddley-squat? Most students don't realize that one factor that goes into the cost of the textbook is the cost of producing FREE instructor supplements to help them teach the course, especially at the community college and career levels. These things cost money to develop, and the cost is rolled up into the sticker price of the textbook. You want fancy software with that textbook? That costs money too--someone has to develop that software, it doesn't just appear out of thin air. We have to float the cost of so-called 'free' supplements for instructors just to get them to adopt the textbook. We have to make their transition to our textbook as easy as possible, because if we don't, a competitor certainly will.
All of this aside, it was the well-organized used book market was really responsible for this dramatic shift in the way textbooks are viewed. A company invests capital into producing a textbook, and doesn't see the return on its investment why? Because instead of selling new copies, bookstores are selling ever-increasing amounts of used copies, and not at a significant reduction in price, either. This led directly to increasingly shortened revision cycles, and ever-inventive ways to cheat the used-book market out of a sale--online supplements, tear-out passcodes in textbooks, software in the back, you name it. In his article, Why Are Textbooks so Expensive?, Henry Roediger III expresses it best: "many factors used to "explain" the high prices of books are probably effects, with the cause being the organized used book companies that prey parasitically on the host publishing companies and threaten to destroy them." His article goes on to say that college bookstores have also driven publishers to sell on the net price, allowing the bookstore to set the list price, and they often drive the costs up 30 to 40 percent, not helping the perception that textbooks are outrageously priced, even though publishers don't see a penny of that money. And those free CDs and supplements publishers add to require students to buy a book new rather than used? The bookstores have been known to take those packages apart and charge extra for those as well, thus defeating the publisher's intention. Oh, and instructors contribute to this by selling their complimentary desk copies to organized retailers who then resell them to students as well. In response, publishers are starting to produce a certain amount of books with covers that say 'instructor copy' on them to combat these sales. Publishers have to become ever more creative in order to stay ahead of crafty people trying to make a buck off of their product.
And now there's the HEOA laws which require publishers to slice and dice their textbook offerings even further. If your book comes with a CD, you'd better make a non-CD version available, dammit, or suffer the consequences! Students have a right to purchase just the book or the book with CD for a higher price...funny thing is, we price ours the same either way, it's the bookstores that jack the prices up, but you don't see anyone stopping them or slapping them with legislation. It's those evil textbook publishers at it again!
What about the tuition costs, aren't those astronomically high and getting higher? What about those earnest promises of employment after graduation in this economy? Recently the government took for-profit colleges to task for the rates at which they were graduating students into fields that weren't hiring. Students were amassing huge student loans, then going out into the world, degrees in hand, only to find that they weren't employable in their immediate region, and then defaulting on their federally-backed student loans. But by and large, no one questions that large tuition bill, perhaps because they 'pay' for it with loans anyway, and the cost of higher education just continues to increase.
Saying textbooks should be cheap is like saying that banks should provide their services for free. I mean, consider all of the knowledge and expertise of the author, all of the time and money spent creating supplements like test banks, PowerPoint presentations, online courses, instructor's manuals, student software, websites to accompany the text--these things are 'must-haves' in the current competitive textbook environment. Instructors want cheaper textbooks? Then start creating your own PowerPoints and tests for class, stop demanding a full-color display for your so-called "visual learners," stop demanding that publishers kill themselves in the race to supply you will all of the tools you need just short of a robot to teach the class for you, in order to secure an adoption of their book. Don't wanna do that? Didn't think so.
How exactly did textbooks become the de facto symbol of the Man in the realm of higher education? While it is true that publishing companies in the past decade have been bought up by conglomerate corporations, only interested in shifting units and increasing the bottom line, what else has changed?
If you ask me, the undue focus on the cost of the textbook is a device designed to keep students from asking questions in the right places, and to keep people from seeing the real problem. Almost no one defends the textbook or extolls its virtues, and the work that goes into creating a textbook is 'invisible' and therefore not valued. That work is devalued not only by the post-secondary academic audience, it is also devalued within the publishing company itself, with workers increasingly being laid off and replaced by offshore vendors. Those workers who remain must now do the job of at least 2 people, thus straining the quality and attention that can be given to any one product at a time. That's right, it's no longer a 'textbook,' it's a product--an abstraction that accounts for numbers in a spreadsheet. Now in publishing we have editors who don't edit, they product manage, and we have production folks who manage vendors in India to copyedit, typeset, and publish these products, work that used to be done here in America. It's easy to be cynical about textbooks these days because the undue attention paid to textbooks in the past 10 years has made the publishing industry into the monster that people claimed it always was: treat textbook publishers like evil incarnate corporate monsters, and over time, they will more and more resemble that monster.
By saying textbooks are too expensive, are people really saying that the knowledge that they contain isn't worth diddley-squat? Most students don't realize that one factor that goes into the cost of the textbook is the cost of producing FREE instructor supplements to help them teach the course, especially at the community college and career levels. These things cost money to develop, and the cost is rolled up into the sticker price of the textbook. You want fancy software with that textbook? That costs money too--someone has to develop that software, it doesn't just appear out of thin air. We have to float the cost of so-called 'free' supplements for instructors just to get them to adopt the textbook. We have to make their transition to our textbook as easy as possible, because if we don't, a competitor certainly will.
All of this aside, it was the well-organized used book market was really responsible for this dramatic shift in the way textbooks are viewed. A company invests capital into producing a textbook, and doesn't see the return on its investment why? Because instead of selling new copies, bookstores are selling ever-increasing amounts of used copies, and not at a significant reduction in price, either. This led directly to increasingly shortened revision cycles, and ever-inventive ways to cheat the used-book market out of a sale--online supplements, tear-out passcodes in textbooks, software in the back, you name it. In his article, Why Are Textbooks so Expensive?, Henry Roediger III expresses it best: "many factors used to "explain" the high prices of books are probably effects, with the cause being the organized used book companies that prey parasitically on the host publishing companies and threaten to destroy them." His article goes on to say that college bookstores have also driven publishers to sell on the net price, allowing the bookstore to set the list price, and they often drive the costs up 30 to 40 percent, not helping the perception that textbooks are outrageously priced, even though publishers don't see a penny of that money. And those free CDs and supplements publishers add to require students to buy a book new rather than used? The bookstores have been known to take those packages apart and charge extra for those as well, thus defeating the publisher's intention. Oh, and instructors contribute to this by selling their complimentary desk copies to organized retailers who then resell them to students as well. In response, publishers are starting to produce a certain amount of books with covers that say 'instructor copy' on them to combat these sales. Publishers have to become ever more creative in order to stay ahead of crafty people trying to make a buck off of their product.
And now there's the HEOA laws which require publishers to slice and dice their textbook offerings even further. If your book comes with a CD, you'd better make a non-CD version available, dammit, or suffer the consequences! Students have a right to purchase just the book or the book with CD for a higher price...funny thing is, we price ours the same either way, it's the bookstores that jack the prices up, but you don't see anyone stopping them or slapping them with legislation. It's those evil textbook publishers at it again!
What about the tuition costs, aren't those astronomically high and getting higher? What about those earnest promises of employment after graduation in this economy? Recently the government took for-profit colleges to task for the rates at which they were graduating students into fields that weren't hiring. Students were amassing huge student loans, then going out into the world, degrees in hand, only to find that they weren't employable in their immediate region, and then defaulting on their federally-backed student loans. But by and large, no one questions that large tuition bill, perhaps because they 'pay' for it with loans anyway, and the cost of higher education just continues to increase.
Saying textbooks should be cheap is like saying that banks should provide their services for free. I mean, consider all of the knowledge and expertise of the author, all of the time and money spent creating supplements like test banks, PowerPoint presentations, online courses, instructor's manuals, student software, websites to accompany the text--these things are 'must-haves' in the current competitive textbook environment. Instructors want cheaper textbooks? Then start creating your own PowerPoints and tests for class, stop demanding a full-color display for your so-called "visual learners," stop demanding that publishers kill themselves in the race to supply you will all of the tools you need just short of a robot to teach the class for you, in order to secure an adoption of their book. Don't wanna do that? Didn't think so.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
So what do you think of when you think of the birth?
My husband and I attended our first childbirth/lamaze class this week. The class is full of first-timers who are around our age and younger. The instructor is very upbeat. The first night she asked us all to complete a questionnaire so that she could learn more about us, like our due dates, occupations, etc. There were also a couple of questions that she chooses to share our answers to out loud when introducing us: What are you hoping to learn from this class? and What do you think of when you think of the birth?
We got through most of the couples except two--us and the other couple due in early December. Everyone who went answered the second question with things like 'joy' or 'excitement.' I'm pretty sure my answer wasn't one of those. I can't actually remember my verbatim answer, but it had something to do with stress/fear/nervousness! So next week I can look forward to being introduced and having her read aloud my answer to the question that is the title of this blog. Hey, I'm nothing if not honest I guess. You know those other bitches feel fear as well, they are just afraid to admit it lest someone think them unfit mothers!
People tell me all the time that I must be 'so excited' about the coming baby. Why must I be excited? Because everyone expects me to be? I wouldn't call what I'm feeling excitement, exactly. Excitement is what I feel when I'm going on a trip somewhere, or on vacation, something that promises fun, escapism, and immersion. I can honestly say that I don't feel that way about the coming baby! I am a realist, which to most people makes me a pessimist, so I tend to look at things differently. I realize that my life is going to change irrevocably, thank you very much, and I can only imagine the hard work that will be involved, and the sleepless days, etc. This is not going to be a picnic, and instead of excitement I'm feeling trepidation, concern, fear, worry. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Overall I think the class will be good for me because the focus is on trying to make us think positively and feel in control of what will be happening to us by educating us about the process. She said Americans generally fear childbirth, whereas that is not the case in other, more enlightened countries. Why am I not surprised? We seem to operate on fear in so many arenas of life in this country. In my opinion, so tenuous is our hold on the good life that we fear everything and anything that could tear it asunder. Most of us are just a couple of paychecks away from the poor house, and swimming in debt up to our eyeballs, so it's no wonder that we're a nation of worriers.
I am someone who definitely needs coaching in order to think positively and focus on the good aspects of the impending birth, rather than just the scary ones. It's just how I'm wired. All of that other "fun" parenting stuff seems vague and distant to me at this point, so focused am I on the practical, the day-to-day. Maybe other people are focused only on the positive parenting stuff, and that's why they can feel excitement and joy about the birth. I'll get there eventually, in my own time. Maybe.
We got through most of the couples except two--us and the other couple due in early December. Everyone who went answered the second question with things like 'joy' or 'excitement.' I'm pretty sure my answer wasn't one of those. I can't actually remember my verbatim answer, but it had something to do with stress/fear/nervousness! So next week I can look forward to being introduced and having her read aloud my answer to the question that is the title of this blog. Hey, I'm nothing if not honest I guess. You know those other bitches feel fear as well, they are just afraid to admit it lest someone think them unfit mothers!
People tell me all the time that I must be 'so excited' about the coming baby. Why must I be excited? Because everyone expects me to be? I wouldn't call what I'm feeling excitement, exactly. Excitement is what I feel when I'm going on a trip somewhere, or on vacation, something that promises fun, escapism, and immersion. I can honestly say that I don't feel that way about the coming baby! I am a realist, which to most people makes me a pessimist, so I tend to look at things differently. I realize that my life is going to change irrevocably, thank you very much, and I can only imagine the hard work that will be involved, and the sleepless days, etc. This is not going to be a picnic, and instead of excitement I'm feeling trepidation, concern, fear, worry. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Overall I think the class will be good for me because the focus is on trying to make us think positively and feel in control of what will be happening to us by educating us about the process. She said Americans generally fear childbirth, whereas that is not the case in other, more enlightened countries. Why am I not surprised? We seem to operate on fear in so many arenas of life in this country. In my opinion, so tenuous is our hold on the good life that we fear everything and anything that could tear it asunder. Most of us are just a couple of paychecks away from the poor house, and swimming in debt up to our eyeballs, so it's no wonder that we're a nation of worriers.
I am someone who definitely needs coaching in order to think positively and focus on the good aspects of the impending birth, rather than just the scary ones. It's just how I'm wired. All of that other "fun" parenting stuff seems vague and distant to me at this point, so focused am I on the practical, the day-to-day. Maybe other people are focused only on the positive parenting stuff, and that's why they can feel excitement and joy about the birth. I'll get there eventually, in my own time. Maybe.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Another public restroom pet peeve
I've made a previous post about bathroom etiquette here, and now I've got another one. I've been traveling a lot for work this summer, and I'm pregnant, which means that I've been in a lot of public bathrooms of late. This has helped me hone my other bathroom pet peeve: women who squat over a seat in a public toilet and pee all over the fucking place.
I don't know who started teaching young women that they need to squat over a public toilet, but that fuckery must be stopped, NOW. If you're a woman who has ever squatted over a public toilet (and I have too), you know that you end up getting pee everywhere, including sometimes on your clothes. This is because it is impossible to aim your pee if you're a woman (you know it's true), so while you think you're being so sanitary and smart, you're really no better than a friggin' animal in the woods when you do this.
When I was a little girl, my mother told me never to sit on a public toilet seat, but to squat over it instead, and this made sense at the time because the very idea of sitting where someone else sat to empty their bowels is repulsive, I admit. "Fifty percent of American women won't sit on a seat without some type of guard or without hovering," said Allison Janse, author of The Germ Freak's Guide to Outwitting Colds and Flu. But if no one sits, that means everyone pees all over the place, making the stall a very unpleasant place to experience.
It is in fact a myth that the toilet seat is the dirtiest surface in a public bathroom. It is fourth behind the floor (dirtiest), sanitary napkin disposal unit, and sink. And, contrary to popular belief, the women's restroom is far dirtier than the men's room. The dirtiest parts of a toilet stall are the toilet handle and the stall handle, because those are the surfaces people touch before washing their hands. (This is why I flush with my foot if there's no automatic flushing mechanism.)
I have burst from the chains of my upbringing and I am no longer a squatter, I am a sitter. I might use one of the sani-wraps or toilet paper as a barrier in a particularly grubby stall, but I sit down. Besides, now that I'm pregnant, squatting has become, well, problematic to say the least, with my new-found weight gain and awkwardness in general. I cannot tell you how many times in my travels this year I found pee spray on the seat from the previous occupant, and had to move on to another stall, or bravely wipe it off before applying a tissue layer. It's disgusting and infuriating because it doesn't have to be this way! We should all be able to walk into a stall and sit down; I shouldn't have to clean up your mess, you filthy cow.
London had some of the cleanest public bathroom stalls I've ever seen. I was continually impressed with the attention paid to privacy and space and the cleanliness I found in those stalls--the doors went all the way down near the floor, there weren't huge crevices between door and stall, and you didn't have to cringe after flushing to avoid backspray from the toilet bowl (another germ-ridden area). Plus, the doors opened outward and the locks worked, and I swear I never found urine on the toilet seat, ever. I don't understand why in American public restrooms, you will often find tiny stalls with doors that open inward, thus crushing you even closer to the dreaded toilet. And privacy? Forget it. There's usually a half-inch clearance on either side of the door frame. If you can sort of see the people milling about outside the stall, guess what, they can sort of see you too.
The Albany International Airport here actually has some of the cleanest public restrooms I've sampled. Everything is automated--the toilet, the sink, the hand soap, the hand dryer--very clean--yet people still pee on the seats. And even New Orleans has something innovative--a plastic sheet that rotates over the toilet seat and 'sanitizes' at the push of a button, making you feel almost invited to sit (and one wonders if peeing on the seat was a problem of epidemic proportions in the South to warrant such an invention). One of the absolute worst public toilets I've seen was at LaGuardia: rickety, inward-closing doors, filthy floors, everything hand-operated and no personal space whatsoever. It was like a torture chamber in there!
This little expose of public restrooms is just another brick in the wall for me of how people just don't give a shit about how they leave things for others. Everyone is out for themselves, and they will pee all over the toilet seat because they can, dammit; they don't take care of the space around them, they don't take responsibility for their bodily functions, and they don't care what they leave behind for others to encounter. Toilet seat etiquette aside, I have seen some pretty disgusting things in public restrooms, things that don't bear repeating, or even remembering. Women of the world, you are freakin' disgusting and appalling. Stop peeing all over the place and sit down!
I don't know who started teaching young women that they need to squat over a public toilet, but that fuckery must be stopped, NOW. If you're a woman who has ever squatted over a public toilet (and I have too), you know that you end up getting pee everywhere, including sometimes on your clothes. This is because it is impossible to aim your pee if you're a woman (you know it's true), so while you think you're being so sanitary and smart, you're really no better than a friggin' animal in the woods when you do this.
When I was a little girl, my mother told me never to sit on a public toilet seat, but to squat over it instead, and this made sense at the time because the very idea of sitting where someone else sat to empty their bowels is repulsive, I admit. "Fifty percent of American women won't sit on a seat without some type of guard or without hovering," said Allison Janse, author of The Germ Freak's Guide to Outwitting Colds and Flu. But if no one sits, that means everyone pees all over the place, making the stall a very unpleasant place to experience.
It is in fact a myth that the toilet seat is the dirtiest surface in a public bathroom. It is fourth behind the floor (dirtiest), sanitary napkin disposal unit, and sink. And, contrary to popular belief, the women's restroom is far dirtier than the men's room. The dirtiest parts of a toilet stall are the toilet handle and the stall handle, because those are the surfaces people touch before washing their hands. (This is why I flush with my foot if there's no automatic flushing mechanism.)
I have burst from the chains of my upbringing and I am no longer a squatter, I am a sitter. I might use one of the sani-wraps or toilet paper as a barrier in a particularly grubby stall, but I sit down. Besides, now that I'm pregnant, squatting has become, well, problematic to say the least, with my new-found weight gain and awkwardness in general. I cannot tell you how many times in my travels this year I found pee spray on the seat from the previous occupant, and had to move on to another stall, or bravely wipe it off before applying a tissue layer. It's disgusting and infuriating because it doesn't have to be this way! We should all be able to walk into a stall and sit down; I shouldn't have to clean up your mess, you filthy cow.
London had some of the cleanest public bathroom stalls I've ever seen. I was continually impressed with the attention paid to privacy and space and the cleanliness I found in those stalls--the doors went all the way down near the floor, there weren't huge crevices between door and stall, and you didn't have to cringe after flushing to avoid backspray from the toilet bowl (another germ-ridden area). Plus, the doors opened outward and the locks worked, and I swear I never found urine on the toilet seat, ever. I don't understand why in American public restrooms, you will often find tiny stalls with doors that open inward, thus crushing you even closer to the dreaded toilet. And privacy? Forget it. There's usually a half-inch clearance on either side of the door frame. If you can sort of see the people milling about outside the stall, guess what, they can sort of see you too.
The Albany International Airport here actually has some of the cleanest public restrooms I've sampled. Everything is automated--the toilet, the sink, the hand soap, the hand dryer--very clean--yet people still pee on the seats. And even New Orleans has something innovative--a plastic sheet that rotates over the toilet seat and 'sanitizes' at the push of a button, making you feel almost invited to sit (and one wonders if peeing on the seat was a problem of epidemic proportions in the South to warrant such an invention). One of the absolute worst public toilets I've seen was at LaGuardia: rickety, inward-closing doors, filthy floors, everything hand-operated and no personal space whatsoever. It was like a torture chamber in there!
This little expose of public restrooms is just another brick in the wall for me of how people just don't give a shit about how they leave things for others. Everyone is out for themselves, and they will pee all over the toilet seat because they can, dammit; they don't take care of the space around them, they don't take responsibility for their bodily functions, and they don't care what they leave behind for others to encounter. Toilet seat etiquette aside, I have seen some pretty disgusting things in public restrooms, things that don't bear repeating, or even remembering. Women of the world, you are freakin' disgusting and appalling. Stop peeing all over the place and sit down!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Change my name, change my name
So today I downloaded the forms necessary to bring with me to court in order to have my name changed, officially, by the state supreme court. Eight years ago when I married my husband, whose last name has 9 letters in it, I hyphenated my own 5-letter last name to his. I didn't want to be so radical as to not take my husband's name at all, but I also didn't want to 'give up' my maiden name--so I compromised and did the hyphen thing. Plus, I was attached to the symmetry of my name--first name has five letters, last name has five letters, both end in 'in'--it was a symmetrical name, and that explains my desire to hold onto it.
Well, it turns out that a 14-character last name (15 with the hyphen) is more of a burden than it's worth. I'm always having to spell it, it doesn't fit on my driver's license, and I can never remember whether I'm listed as the hyphen or just my husband's last name. The driver's license thing really drove the point home--by keeping my maiden name as a hyphen, I lost my entire first name, which is represented on my license by only the first letter. But after 8 years of this kind of torture, it was recent events that moved me to make the change.
People must change their names for all kinds of reasons, but primarily to escape child support, liens, jail time, abusers, and the like. I say this because the program I used asked me if I was changing my name because my life was in danger, if I was responsible for paying child support, and if I had been convicted of a crime. In addition to paying the court $210 to grant my name change, I will have to take out a public announcement in the newspaper announcing my name change to the world.
I've had it with the hyphen, it must go, and go it shall before this baby is born. I don't want to be alphabetized away from my husband and baby--we need to be under the same umbrella, the same name, a family in name as well as in fact. My maiden name will supplant my middle name, which I never cared for anyway, and I can finally start using the 9-letter name that I gladly took from my husband years ago. It's a strong Irish name, and I have absolutely no problem with it.
Well, it turns out that a 14-character last name (15 with the hyphen) is more of a burden than it's worth. I'm always having to spell it, it doesn't fit on my driver's license, and I can never remember whether I'm listed as the hyphen or just my husband's last name. The driver's license thing really drove the point home--by keeping my maiden name as a hyphen, I lost my entire first name, which is represented on my license by only the first letter. But after 8 years of this kind of torture, it was recent events that moved me to make the change.
People must change their names for all kinds of reasons, but primarily to escape child support, liens, jail time, abusers, and the like. I say this because the program I used asked me if I was changing my name because my life was in danger, if I was responsible for paying child support, and if I had been convicted of a crime. In addition to paying the court $210 to grant my name change, I will have to take out a public announcement in the newspaper announcing my name change to the world.
I've had it with the hyphen, it must go, and go it shall before this baby is born. I don't want to be alphabetized away from my husband and baby--we need to be under the same umbrella, the same name, a family in name as well as in fact. My maiden name will supplant my middle name, which I never cared for anyway, and I can finally start using the 9-letter name that I gladly took from my husband years ago. It's a strong Irish name, and I have absolutely no problem with it.
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