ChickinStew

Monday, August 21, 2017

Back from the Dead and Spewing Bile

I have been thinking about posting here periodically over the past 8 months. I've had many fleeting thoughts and comparisons about what it's like to live in Louisiana again, and what it's like to miss New York, but now that I'm actually logging on for the first time since December, I can't for the life of me remember any of them. I should really take better notes. Let's just see what comes out.

I was also scared off of posting anything for a bit because of a bit of a stalker situation, but I'm past the trauma of that experience and no longer have any fucks left to give about that.

It's been almost a year since I left my job at Cengage, and since I left New York. It has been a long and difficult transition, and in many ways, we are still transitioning. From where I sit now, I honestly can't foresee a time when we're done 'transitioning.'

Louisiana...is stupid. It's ridiculously hot, people are the exact opposite of people in New York, meaning they may seem nice and polite, but really they are hateful motherfuckers. I have been shocked by the secret racism that permeates everything here, and the horrific rage people seem to be hiding underneath that glistening surface of politeness. People here are dicks! They just hide it real well.

Why did I move here again? Family...I moved here to be closer to family. Right. Why on earth did I think that was a good idea?? My mother is certifiable, you never know which version of her you're going to get when you speak to her. And she's on the outs with one of my uncles, which means we never see that entire side of the family now. At least I have my sister and her daughter, I try to focus on that.

Politics...maybe it's just me, but I feel like I live in the secret annex with Anne Frank because I feel I have to keep quiet about politics and social issues because EVERYONE HERE DISAGREES WITH EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN. I have somehow made close friends who have diametrically opposed belief systems to me. It's BIZARRE. I choose not to discuss this stuff, try to stay away from it, but people sure are quick to discredit everything I might have to say BECAUSE SHE'S LIBERAL, SHE DIDN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP.  I am so disgusted with the way people prejudge Democrats that I changed my political party to INDEPENDENT when I registered here. Fuck y'all, motherfuckers, I hate both parties!

Trump...the obvious reason to hate living here. EVERYONE voted for him. You know those 60% of white women who voted for him? Well most of them live here. Nearly everyone I know voted for him, and they are proud of it. I don't have the guts to ask them if they regret that decision now in light of recent events...mostly because I know many of them don't even follow the news and probably have no idea of what he's done and what an ass he is. And I just know my mom would poo-pooh "all that racism stuff" because I know her and she would probably say the liberal media is blowing it out of proportion, making a story where there is none. Seriously. I already know that whatever she would say would send me into a rage fit, and there's no arguing with latent racism. But enough about that.

My job...the job I was hired to do, I no longer do. Mostly because they decided to hit the pause button on developing the side of the business I was initially hired to work on...so I have been moved to other projects. It's a good thing, they wanted to keep me so they moved me to protect me...but it's like having a new job all over again after a year of "adjusting" to a new place, a new industry, new coworkers, new office culture. Still, I'm grateful for my job, it's the one thing giving me hope and keeping me sane amidst all of the insanity in my personal life at the moment.

At least in my new office location I will no longer be an unwitting witness to whomever washes or doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom. Especially scary when you consider that men shake hands here like they haven't seen you in months, but they saw you yesterday. *Shudder*

Ok, that feels better. I had to get it all out. It's not all bad, but sometimes the bad far outweighs anything remotely good. Perhaps in future posts I can extol some of the virtues of living here again after 25 years away, like how I feel like Rip Van Winkle, awakening after 25 years to a town with horrific infrastructure and terrible traffic, where cars are abandoned on the side of the interstate at regular intervals, where there are now homeless beggars at every major stoplight. Scratch Rip Van Winkle, I'm more like Marty McFly in Back to the Future II when he returns to Lyon Estates and it's wasted and crime-ridden.