Parenthood: debunking some myths

So I’m still fairly new to this whole parenting thing--my baby is currently 6 ½ months old--but already I’ve come across quite a few misconceptions and outright lies about motherhood that I’d like to debunk right here, right now. Here goes.

Myth #1: breastfeeding helps you lose weight. So why are you still fat 6 months postpartum, fatass? Beyonce was out in a see-through sheath dress only weeks after delivering her precious Ivy Blue. What gives??

While the 500 calories/day that you burn breastfeeding do help to lose weight initially, breastfeeding actually keeps you from losing too much weight too quickly because your body needs stored fat in order to make breastmilk. So if I’m still wiggly in the middle 6 months later, this is why, dammit! Breastfeeding is not a magical cure-all, you still have to exercise and eat right (no more bingeing). I also hate this one because it makes losing weight seem like it should be THE most important goal of a new mom, and it is NOT, nor should it be. Just goes to show you that women never get a break, even after birthin’ babies destroys their bodies. And popstars never do any of us any favors.

Myth #2: pumping and dumping. If you drink, you must IMMEDIATELY pump whatever milk is in your body and THROW IT AWAY. Out, out, tainted milk! And how DARE you even drink in the first place, slut??

This is perhaps the most ill-informed yet most widely-believed myth, and it angers me on two counts. First because it assumes that lactating women must be abstemious, and second because it reveals pure ignorance about how breastfeeding works. You know what your blood alcohol level is, right? Well alcohol leaves the breastmilk in much the same fashion as it leaves your blood, people, it doesn't somehow manage to lodge itself in your breasts forevermore. If you sober up, drink lots of water, and don’t need to feed your baby right away, there is no need to pump and dump that milk. What a waste of precious milk! That shit is like GOLD. I once spilled an entire 4oz after pumping and I CRIED, I was so destroyed at the waste!  I hold this myth responsible for making sure that women with new babies don’t have any fun EVER. It’s ok, you can leave the house once in awhile, just make other plans for your baby’s meal around the time you’ll be drinking and you’ll be fine. So in closing, unless you are going to drink alcohol and then immediately feed your baby, there is no need to pump and dump unless you like wasting this precious resource.

Myth #3: as soon as that kid is born, your life is over. Forget your friends, forget your interests, forget working out, you just won’t have time for those frivolous things anymore, because you’ll be CHAINED to your baby!

This is one that I relish attacking, because it was said so often to me pre-kid, and with such apparent pleasure, by joyless people who continue to sap the fun out of life. Well I'm here to say that your life does not in fact end when you have a kid, though it changes appreciably. Whether or not your life ‘ends’ is really up to you. Just because so-and-so didn’t leave the house from the time her precious baby was born up until he/she went to college, does not mean that you have to follow that same Puritan path, my friend. So-and-so made that choice, but she saw it as more of a mandate, and now wants you to be just as miserable as she was. The reality? You  may not get out as often, and those formerly wild weekends may now be relegated to just a few hours on a Friday night, but please do us all a favor, and try to get out, sans kid, once every few months--drink some beer, eat some food, laugh and have adult conversations with your friends--you may need them again someday, those friends. It will be hard at first, you will feel guilty leaving your baby, but press on, do this for yourself, and you won’t regret it, I promise. I pity the fool that gives up everything for their kid, b/c that makes for one unhappy, boring parent IMO. You don’t get an award for sacrificing yourself so completely, and you only live once. Take care of yourself and your relationships, because no one else will.

Myth #4: the way you do things is wrong, and everyone else is right. No matter what you do, or how you do it, someone somewhere has already done it, and done it better.
I am a breastfeeding mom, and I chose to do cloth diapering as well. If I had a nickel for every time someone groaned and/or rolled their eyes when they found out I was doing cloth diapers, well, you know. People are SO AGAINST anything that differs from the norm--this you will find out. I’m not a militant person, but I wanted to do cloth diapers, and so I do them, and continue to do them at 6 months. I was told by many naysayers that I would give it up right away because it would be ‘too hard’ and that disposables are ‘just so easy.’ You know what? Disposables are easy, that is why everyone does them and the diapers continue to pile up in the landfills. You know what else? When people tell me repeatedly that I am not going to succeed in doing something that I set out to do, it makes me want to do it all the harder just to spite them. And you know what? Cloth diapering really isn’t all that bad. The only bad thing about it is that some girly baby clothes don’t fit my little one’s big cloth-diapered butt, but I just have her wear disposables with those particular outfits. That’s right, I use both because I’m FLEXIBLE, not rigid and closed-minded like some people. Sheesh. People tend to be know-it-alls when it comes to everything baby-related. Steel yourself, it’s only gonna get worse.

Myth #5: I’ve got a baby now, so I can’t do that anymore. Farewell to outings that aren’t baby-centric. Hello Baby-Dictator!
This one I have mixed feelings about, because I do love being able to occasionally use the baby as an excuse to get out of things I don’t want to do, like driving 3 hours both ways for an hour’s visit with grandma, or attending that work dinner in the middle of the week. It is great to be able to cut a visit short, or blow off that weird co-worker’s party b/c of THE BABY. Once you get your baby on a schedule, you are a slave to it for a time, it’s true. And though that schedule can be broken now and then, it is not something to be undertaken lightly, b/c there are very real consequences to breaking the schedule (not sleeping through the night, crying, crankiness, etc), which the parents will pay, not grandma or whomever. So while I will choose what is worthy of breaking the schedule (dammit!), it is not written that parents can’t be flexible and creative with social outings and whatnot, especially if they can be negotiated with baby in tow.  If you find yourself using this myth to your advantage more often than not, you may be in danger of abusing it and therefore missing out on life (see Myth #3 above). Remember, you can get a babysitter occasionally, or one of you could stay home with the baby while the other one gets out for a few hours--nothing is impossible!

That’s all I’ve got for now. Boy I’ve been storing those up for a while now, it felt good to get them out!

In dire need of a vacation.

I was supposed to be on vacation this week, but I'm not. I had to postpone my trip two weeks to accommodate others. Why am I always accommodating others? Let us hope that I did not make a poor choice by doing so. Anyway, it is done. So instead I'm stuck here at work, during the not-busy time of year--my work for this fiscal year is done, and I hesitate to embark upon any new ventures until they roll out the state of the union for next fiscal...so I'm stuck in a sort of busywork limbo, which would have been the perfect time for vacation. I know this is a first-world problem, but it is really hard to anticipate a postponed vacation, at least for me it is. It seems like it will never get here, and so I haven't even really been thinking about it, and anticipation is the key to any vacation.

In two weeks I'll be bringing baby home to Louisiana to visit my family. She's only met my mother and sister, and that was back when she was 7 weeks--and she will be 7 months by the time we visit. So will it be a vacation? Well, yes and no, depending on how you define vacation. I will have lots of help with the baby, which will be good,  and I will be with family that I don't see often. There will be a pool at least one of the days if not more, so that's something. But if you define a vacation as time spent away from kids and family, then it won't be a vacation. I can't imagine taking a vacation without her at this point though, and don't understand why anyone would. Yes it's true sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to sleep in and not have to get up and feed the baby, but that's just a daydream, I don't want it to be a reality!

What I need is a mental break away from work, and any time spent away from work is good, but weekends are just too short. Plus I have this foreboding feeling that some things are going to roll down that aren't going to be good come July 1st--we shall see. Things have felt bleak around here for a few months now, and I'm not optimistic about the future here. It is difficult to remain positive in an environment that shreds morale day after day, where there is no communication from anyone about anything, ever, just speculation and gossip.

Let's remember why we work, after all--to fund our real lives, the part of our lives where we have control ourselves and our time, when we call the shots, time spent with people we love, and even time spent with people we don't. Hey, my standards are really low these days--pretty much anytime I'm not at work, it's pretty much awesome, no matter what I'm doing. And I like my job, or at least I used to. Not sure what the future holds, but whatever happens, I'm in it for the long haul.

Rest in Peace, Maddie

Yesterday our beloved pug Madison passed away after 15 years and 5 months of life. She had suffered a slipped disc late last summer, but got through that and was able to get up and down the stairs to outside right up until the end. She started going downhill Friday, and by Sunday morning she was listless and literally just waiting to die. We lived with her for 10 years of her long life, and she saw us through many different locations and jobs. Born the runt of the litter, she was bottle-fed and became a beloved member of the family. She traveled up to New York by plane from Louisiana back in 2002, when my mom gave her to us, and has lived with us in New York ever since. She loved sunbathing and lolling in the grass, chasing cats, and barking at anything that moved. She really loved me, and followed me everywhere, much to my annoyance at times. She didn't really like a ton of affection but she loved to be close by, and wouldn't turn down a properly-arranged lap or pillow. She is at peace now, hopefully lolling in a sunny patch of grass unfettered by pain. We love you, Maddie!