I just found this saved but empty blog entry in my blogspot pages file. I see the original save date was 3/13, but as I'm typing this it is actually 5/26/11. Apparently back on 3/13/11, I got inspired with the above title, logged into Blogspot, created a new blog entry, typed in the title, hit save, and went about my business. No doubt with the intention of returning later to fill it in with some observation or other about society and human nature and whatnot.
3/13/11...this was the week before I found out I was pregnant, the week before my 35th birthday, the week before I found out that I'd gotten the promotion. I wonder what my pre-pregnant, pre-successful, younger self was thinking all those weeks ago!
"If you've seen one hamster, you've seen them all," indeed. I guess the world will never know the strange wisdom I had in mind for these words.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Find out who your real friends are: get pregnant!
We went to a wedding last night, and it wasn't exactly fun. Maybe it was because I wasn't drinking, or because I've been very introspective lately, but the things that used to be fun to me, just didn't seem as fun. And is it really true that your childless friends start separating from you once you have a baby? I'm afraid it is beginning to seem that way to me. What do people ask me now at parties? Well it's not, 'so what's new?' or 'have you seen this movie'; instead I get the solemnly whispered, "so how are you feeling?" followed almost immediately by "how far along are you?" and "so are you going to find out the sex?" And then their set of questions for a pregnant woman are exhausted, and they casually excuse themselves to talk to someone else.
I am sick to death of these questions. I am still a person here, people! Maybe people who have children become children-centric robots because people start treating them as such very early on, before the baby is even born! I mean COME ON! I used to be considered fun, people used to want to talk to me and include me in conversations, but now? Last night we were seated at a rectangular table, and we were unfortunately seated at the wrong end, and the person next to me sat forward with elbows on the table and head turned away from me the entire time, so enthralled were they with the conversation at the other end. When I suggested finally that we all stand up outside so that we could be part of the group conversation, one of my 'friends' down at the other end jokingly said, 'maybe nobody WANTS to talk to you.' Even though it was a harmless joke, that comment hurt, not just because I'm overly sensitive and hormonal just now, but because it is a newly deep-seated fear of mine.
Maybe people DON'T want to talk to a pregnant lady! I think people assume that being physically pregnant means that all of your waking thoughts are CONSUMED by your pregnancy, which is absolutely not true. But I must have been asked the same three questions a dozen times last night. I tried to steer the conversation to other things, but met with mixed results. Is it the lack of alcohol, or are people just afraid of pregnant women? It's not like I've suddenly become a saint or something just because life is growing inside me. I mean, the rapture happened and I didn't get taken, isn't that proof enough?
I can still curse and make jokes and gossip like I used to, but I feel like this pregnancy thing is slowly killing off my social life. I know the saying, if people stop hanging out with you, that's their loss, you know who your friends are, etc--but what if I have no real friends left after this baby is born? Will our only friends be other people who have kids? Is that an unfortunate reality of parenthood? And do you lose these childless friends because you are too tired and don't have the energy to maintain relationships with those self-centered friends of yours, or is it because your well-meaning friends are too busy treating you with kid gloves, inadvertently making you into a fun-sucking planet that they will eventually no longer invite to parties? I know, chicken or egg; it's probably a little bit of both.
Well I don't want to become one of those fun-sucking planets just yet. Admittedly, this was my first real social outing since being openly pregnant, and there were numerous challenges that I simply wasn't prepared for because I couldn't have anticipated them; the books don't discuss this new social awkwardness that people feel around you, or that you feel around them. But it's safe to say that I learned a few painful lessons, and I will not lose heart, and hopefully at the next gathering (next weekend, in fact) I will turn my tribulations into schtick and all will be well, at least for now. I have to find a way to continue to be myself but also to embrace my new circumstances, without losing my sense of humor.
I am sick to death of these questions. I am still a person here, people! Maybe people who have children become children-centric robots because people start treating them as such very early on, before the baby is even born! I mean COME ON! I used to be considered fun, people used to want to talk to me and include me in conversations, but now? Last night we were seated at a rectangular table, and we were unfortunately seated at the wrong end, and the person next to me sat forward with elbows on the table and head turned away from me the entire time, so enthralled were they with the conversation at the other end. When I suggested finally that we all stand up outside so that we could be part of the group conversation, one of my 'friends' down at the other end jokingly said, 'maybe nobody WANTS to talk to you.' Even though it was a harmless joke, that comment hurt, not just because I'm overly sensitive and hormonal just now, but because it is a newly deep-seated fear of mine.
Maybe people DON'T want to talk to a pregnant lady! I think people assume that being physically pregnant means that all of your waking thoughts are CONSUMED by your pregnancy, which is absolutely not true. But I must have been asked the same three questions a dozen times last night. I tried to steer the conversation to other things, but met with mixed results. Is it the lack of alcohol, or are people just afraid of pregnant women? It's not like I've suddenly become a saint or something just because life is growing inside me. I mean, the rapture happened and I didn't get taken, isn't that proof enough?
I can still curse and make jokes and gossip like I used to, but I feel like this pregnancy thing is slowly killing off my social life. I know the saying, if people stop hanging out with you, that's their loss, you know who your friends are, etc--but what if I have no real friends left after this baby is born? Will our only friends be other people who have kids? Is that an unfortunate reality of parenthood? And do you lose these childless friends because you are too tired and don't have the energy to maintain relationships with those self-centered friends of yours, or is it because your well-meaning friends are too busy treating you with kid gloves, inadvertently making you into a fun-sucking planet that they will eventually no longer invite to parties? I know, chicken or egg; it's probably a little bit of both.
Well I don't want to become one of those fun-sucking planets just yet. Admittedly, this was my first real social outing since being openly pregnant, and there were numerous challenges that I simply wasn't prepared for because I couldn't have anticipated them; the books don't discuss this new social awkwardness that people feel around you, or that you feel around them. But it's safe to say that I learned a few painful lessons, and I will not lose heart, and hopefully at the next gathering (next weekend, in fact) I will turn my tribulations into schtick and all will be well, at least for now. I have to find a way to continue to be myself but also to embrace my new circumstances, without losing my sense of humor.
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