Honor thy mother. Seriously.

It's that time of year again, when we are reminded by corporations to honor our mothers by sending them flowers or candy or a card on Mother's Day. Most of you out there probably don't even register the day it until the day of, when you call your dear, sweet, considerate, and concerned mother, the woman who presumably cared for you as a child and who presumably fostered a healthy, loving, and respectful with you into adulthood.

Well la de frickin' da for you. Yes I'm bitter and jealous that you have one of these creatures called 'mother' with whom you have a blandly normal, wonderful relationship. I can only wish that I had that blandness that you take for granted.

You might have guessed at this point that my relationship with my mother is less than decent. Anyone who knows me knows vaguely of my "mother drama." I might joke about it, but this mother drama causes me real aggravation and shame. Suffice to say, my mother drama is the one thing that can give me the sads on the regular, and it doesn't look like that is going to change anytime soon.

This year the choice is between keeping up the pretense and sending my mother a card on mother's day (like always), or digging in and saving myself a stamp. I think I'm going with the latter this year. It's painful to have to choose from among all of those cards addressed to great and wonderful mothers, mothers who are best friends, role models, champions, believers, nuturers, etc--all things mothers should aspire to be, I agree, but none of which suit my particular sentiments.

If only there were cards that said something along the lines of 'Mother, thank you for not aborting me/sorry I stole your youth' or 'Mother, I remember fondly the time you couldn't give us a wedding shower but then had one for my cousin' or my favorite, 'Mother I'll be here for you every time he hits you/cheats on you/lies to you.' That would be more like it.  Heartwarming, isn't it?

The worst thing about having a terrible relationship with your mother? I mean of course aside from the fact that the one person I should always be able to count on is as unreliable, selfish, and petulant as a 12-year old?   Trying to get people to understand how in the fuck this shit can happen. When I try to explain the situation, I am often met with--well, it is hard to say what I am met with, exactly. So counfounded are people by the impossible idea that a woman who has given birth is somehow not living up to the title of Mother, that they kind of refuse to believe it, turn it back on me, and conclude that my problems with my mother are either exaggerated or somehow my fault. It's a very sensitive, almost taboo subject.

Let me just say that I would not wish this on anyone. All I can do is keep praying that my mother will change her situation and get her sanity back before it's too late to salvage our relationship. Maintaining a relationship with my mother has been and probably always will be my awful burden. My poor relationship with mother is one of the main reasons why I have taken so long to come around to the idea of motherhood.

Let my lack of a good maternal relationship be a lesson to you all: don't take your mother for granted. She may nag and annoy you, she may say impertinent things and voice unwanted opinions about your choices in life, but ultimately, those things signal her concern and love for you, so go with it. Let the motherly concern wash over you. The next time you roll your eyes at her latest life suggestion or choice of pantwear, just think of me, and be glad you're not me. Go hug your mother.

I will never see another 3D movie, and here's why.

We ventured out to the Bowtie last night, our local theater here in Schenectady, for the first time in months. We were originally headed to see 'Date Night,' the comedy with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, but alas, we were running a bit late and we hate missing credits so it was not to be. Instead we settled on 'Clash of the Titans' in 3D --a mistake. Ok, obviously we both knew this would be schlock at best going in, having seen the precursor with Harry Hamlin and the fruity clockwork owl back in the day, but we had hopes that it would be campy and self-indulgent fun. Not so.

First of all, I had to stare at Sam Worthington's generic face through dark 3D glasses once again, which caused me to draw comparisons to the last movie we saw in the theater, 'Avatar.' I have to wonder how this guy got so big, so fast, seemingly out of nowhere. In one year he's in two blockbuster 3D movies, both of which require him to ride a flying beast of some sort, and neither of which require more of him than his standard military-style buzz cut. That guy must have great karma.

Second, despite trailers showing a regal-looking Liam Neeson shouting, "release the Kraken," this was not a fun romp through ancient mythology.  Sam played a Perseus very reluctant to use his god-like abilities--he keeps saying he wants to do this 'as a man,' which aggravated the hell out of me and the band of misfits that accompany him on his journey. Moments before the last of his compatriots are turned to stone by Medusa, there is a rousing Lord-of-the-Rings-esque moment in which Perseus tells him heretofore he's only met one great man (his father)--but today he has met four, plus a woman (the woman being Io, his guardian). Cue eye-roll sequence!

Movies just aren't worth the money these days. $25 bucks for a couple to see a 3D movie? Never again! I have seen no less than four 3D movies in the past year, and after last night's travesty, I vow to never see another one.  Frankly I don't see how 3D movies today are all that different from 3D movies in the 80s. I know the process is different, yadda yadda, and the glasses are different, but I find the new glasses annoying, dark, and the effects just aren't worth the trouble IMO. The only movie that I thought was worth seeing in 3D was 'Coraline,' because it was animated, and 3D seems to work better on images that are manufactured. Avatar was visually psychedelic, it's true, but the glasses didn't enhance that, and the story sucked. Special effects do not a good story make.

My newly-formed theory about 3D movies is this: if a live-action movie is in 3D, someone is most likely trying to cover a shoddy plot and cynically reap millions of dollars from stupid Americans. I'd rather see a regular movie that has a compelling story over a flat, rehashed storyline in 3D any day. But I generally don't make it out to the theaters--we rent movies at home, like most people. There is something to be said for the movie going experience, it's just not something that has been enjoyable for me in a long, long time. I fear that 3D was the last gimmick to get people out to theaters, and that has failed miserably through overuse. The movie industry is going to have to downsize itself because it has ceased to entertain. Granted, there is a lot of crap out there, and plenty of people willing to waste their hard-earned money and time consuming it; I'm just not one of them. For the discriminating viewer, television is just much more intriguing these days. :P