Honor thy mother. Seriously.

It's that time of year again, when we are reminded by corporations to honor our mothers by sending them flowers or candy or a card on Mother's Day. Most of you out there probably don't even register the day it until the day of, when you call your dear, sweet, considerate, and concerned mother, the woman who presumably cared for you as a child and who presumably fostered a healthy, loving, and respectful with you into adulthood.

Well la de frickin' da for you. Yes I'm bitter and jealous that you have one of these creatures called 'mother' with whom you have a blandly normal, wonderful relationship. I can only wish that I had that blandness that you take for granted.

You might have guessed at this point that my relationship with my mother is less than decent. Anyone who knows me knows vaguely of my "mother drama." I might joke about it, but this mother drama causes me real aggravation and shame. Suffice to say, my mother drama is the one thing that can give me the sads on the regular, and it doesn't look like that is going to change anytime soon.

This year the choice is between keeping up the pretense and sending my mother a card on mother's day (like always), or digging in and saving myself a stamp. I think I'm going with the latter this year. It's painful to have to choose from among all of those cards addressed to great and wonderful mothers, mothers who are best friends, role models, champions, believers, nuturers, etc--all things mothers should aspire to be, I agree, but none of which suit my particular sentiments.

If only there were cards that said something along the lines of 'Mother, thank you for not aborting me/sorry I stole your youth' or 'Mother, I remember fondly the time you couldn't give us a wedding shower but then had one for my cousin' or my favorite, 'Mother I'll be here for you every time he hits you/cheats on you/lies to you.' That would be more like it.  Heartwarming, isn't it?

The worst thing about having a terrible relationship with your mother? I mean of course aside from the fact that the one person I should always be able to count on is as unreliable, selfish, and petulant as a 12-year old?   Trying to get people to understand how in the fuck this shit can happen. When I try to explain the situation, I am often met with--well, it is hard to say what I am met with, exactly. So counfounded are people by the impossible idea that a woman who has given birth is somehow not living up to the title of Mother, that they kind of refuse to believe it, turn it back on me, and conclude that my problems with my mother are either exaggerated or somehow my fault. It's a very sensitive, almost taboo subject.

Let me just say that I would not wish this on anyone. All I can do is keep praying that my mother will change her situation and get her sanity back before it's too late to salvage our relationship. Maintaining a relationship with my mother has been and probably always will be my awful burden. My poor relationship with mother is one of the main reasons why I have taken so long to come around to the idea of motherhood.

Let my lack of a good maternal relationship be a lesson to you all: don't take your mother for granted. She may nag and annoy you, she may say impertinent things and voice unwanted opinions about your choices in life, but ultimately, those things signal her concern and love for you, so go with it. Let the motherly concern wash over you. The next time you roll your eyes at her latest life suggestion or choice of pantwear, just think of me, and be glad you're not me. Go hug your mother.