I will never see another 3D movie, and here's why.

We ventured out to the Bowtie last night, our local theater here in Schenectady, for the first time in months. We were originally headed to see 'Date Night,' the comedy with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, but alas, we were running a bit late and we hate missing credits so it was not to be. Instead we settled on 'Clash of the Titans' in 3D --a mistake. Ok, obviously we both knew this would be schlock at best going in, having seen the precursor with Harry Hamlin and the fruity clockwork owl back in the day, but we had hopes that it would be campy and self-indulgent fun. Not so.

First of all, I had to stare at Sam Worthington's generic face through dark 3D glasses once again, which caused me to draw comparisons to the last movie we saw in the theater, 'Avatar.' I have to wonder how this guy got so big, so fast, seemingly out of nowhere. In one year he's in two blockbuster 3D movies, both of which require him to ride a flying beast of some sort, and neither of which require more of him than his standard military-style buzz cut. That guy must have great karma.

Second, despite trailers showing a regal-looking Liam Neeson shouting, "release the Kraken," this was not a fun romp through ancient mythology.  Sam played a Perseus very reluctant to use his god-like abilities--he keeps saying he wants to do this 'as a man,' which aggravated the hell out of me and the band of misfits that accompany him on his journey. Moments before the last of his compatriots are turned to stone by Medusa, there is a rousing Lord-of-the-Rings-esque moment in which Perseus tells him heretofore he's only met one great man (his father)--but today he has met four, plus a woman (the woman being Io, his guardian). Cue eye-roll sequence!

Movies just aren't worth the money these days. $25 bucks for a couple to see a 3D movie? Never again! I have seen no less than four 3D movies in the past year, and after last night's travesty, I vow to never see another one.  Frankly I don't see how 3D movies today are all that different from 3D movies in the 80s. I know the process is different, yadda yadda, and the glasses are different, but I find the new glasses annoying, dark, and the effects just aren't worth the trouble IMO. The only movie that I thought was worth seeing in 3D was 'Coraline,' because it was animated, and 3D seems to work better on images that are manufactured. Avatar was visually psychedelic, it's true, but the glasses didn't enhance that, and the story sucked. Special effects do not a good story make.

My newly-formed theory about 3D movies is this: if a live-action movie is in 3D, someone is most likely trying to cover a shoddy plot and cynically reap millions of dollars from stupid Americans. I'd rather see a regular movie that has a compelling story over a flat, rehashed storyline in 3D any day. But I generally don't make it out to the theaters--we rent movies at home, like most people. There is something to be said for the movie going experience, it's just not something that has been enjoyable for me in a long, long time. I fear that 3D was the last gimmick to get people out to theaters, and that has failed miserably through overuse. The movie industry is going to have to downsize itself because it has ceased to entertain. Granted, there is a lot of crap out there, and plenty of people willing to waste their hard-earned money and time consuming it; I'm just not one of them. For the discriminating viewer, television is just much more intriguing these days. :P