I think I'm in the middle of some kind of life crisis. I just turned 39, I've been in the same job for 10 1/2 years, I hate where I live, don't want to move back to where I came from. In a word, I'm stuck. I have the sort of job that is difficult to explain to people outside the industry--and I've never worked anywhere else professionally. And every day lately I dread going to work, because it never stops. It's like if you opened a fire hydrant and had to stand there and let the water blast you full-force in the face. Everyday. And I'm tired. So tired.
What is my next move? So many options of things to change, but I'm stymied by choice, and the chain of events those choices will start. Yet I've got to move myself forward out of this downward spiral, somehow. Gone are the days when I could just quit a job and move. And fuck expectation--the only people I want to consider in my choices are my husband and my child; no one else matters. I have fewer friends these days, I watch as everyone around me gets older and FUCK it means I'm getting older too, much too fast. The weekdays slowly drift by and I drink wine and watch TV at night, because the weekends are over before they start and I can't ever relax, I just want to be in a cocoon sometimes. I just don't want to go back to work! I can't take a day off, much less a real vacation; it's very much expected that you are tied to your job, and I fight that as much as possible, but it's not always possible. I'm tired of the problems and bullshit, tired of feeling like everyone's dog. Tired, tired, tired.
Man it's horrible to keep living the same life once you've decided you're done with it. But baby steps and I'll get there...
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