There were many notable celebrity deaths this year, especially these last few big ones at the tail-end, and they're going to mark 2016 forever after (aka for the next month, tops) as a standout for how many people were taken from the public sphere. But more importantly, what has happened to me on a personal level this year, and can the list of dying celebrities reveal anything about how this year was for me? Yes, it’s time to look back on 2016, in the episodic style of the recent Gilmore Girls revival on Netflix (which was abysmal btw), punctuated by celebrity deaths. Let's see what results.
Winter
In January my grandfather died after being in a nursing home for a couple of years with Alzheimer’s. Many, many lessons were left to be read in his death, a life well-lived but not well-advised. He died with nothing in the end, very sad on many levels, the subject of which could be a book that maybe I’ll write someday. David Bowie and Alan Rickman died.
Spring
At some point during the spring, I turned 40 and got fed up with my job and my life in upstate New York, and started looking for jobs down south, recklessly applying to one that looked promising. After an intense phone screening, I landed an interview during a trip home in late April. I started fantasizing about moving south after 15 years away. Nancy Reagan, Merle Haggard, and Prince died. My mom threw a crawfish boil for my belated 40th birthday.
Summer
After a strong interview but no movement on the Southern job, sudden contact again in mid-July with an hour-long phone interview right before one of two final work trips to Colorado. The first trip was to Denver in late July for a conference with authors I’d worked with for 11 years, a trip that ended with a visit (with coworkers current and past) to Red Rocks to see a Queen cover band. Red Rocks is amazing, and brought me back to my youthful obsession with U2’s Under a Blood Red Sky concert in 1983. Some drunk guy behind us threw up but we had a great time. Early August was the obligatory “drink-the-Koolaid” company retreat in beautiful Keystone, Colorado, fated to be my last trip with my coworkers and friends of many years. While there I enjoyed a full-body massage partially paid for by the company, which included pool and hot tub time, as well as a sample of the local chocolates, which made the overall experience all the more fantastic. There was lots of hard work and drinking on the company dime, line dancing one night, and the next, a DJ dance party that I closed down. During the work trip I scheduled a video conference call with the Southern job for the following week. Two days after the video interview, I was offered the job on a Friday, the weekend of the Flood in South Louisiana. I put in my notice the following Monday. Shock and awe ensued as word spread that I was leaving the company. A nice going away happy hour was held for me, and I said many goodbyes and shed a few tears. I started packing up the entire house and planning our trip south. Meanwhile, Morley Safer, John Berry, Muhammed Ali, Anton Yelchin, and Gene Wilder passed away.
Fall
The fall brought intense change. The plan was for me and my daughter to live with my mom until my husband could join us, which would happen if we sold the house or if he got a job down south too. So the three of us drove to South Louisiana over 4 days, stopping on the way to see some sights, staying in hotels largely paid for by hotel points I’d earned through my travel with my former job. Then, my husband flew back to NY after a few days, and it was just me and my daughter, living with my mom and grandmother. I started a new job in a new industry; my daughter started a new pre-k daycare. Essentially living like a single parent in a town with legendarily terrible traffic, I had to give up working out, had to adjust to living in my hometown again after 25 years, not to mention living with my mom and her mom who has dementia and can’t retain much from minute to minute. I started drinking pretty much daily, a glass of wine or two after work to relax. As I conformed to my new status, I started to lose the ability to feel joy on a day-to-day basis, and no longer had idle time to watch tv or read a book. The happy, boring family life we had in New York had become a memory, a simple state of being once taken for granted that now had to be earned all over again. Brief visits with husband on Halloween and Thanksgiving. Arnold Palmer, Pete Burns, Leonard Cohen, Gwen Ifill, Florence Henderson all died.
Winter
Aemon Targaryen (or the actor who played him) died, a reminder that Winter is Coming for all of us. Except this year, it didn't come for me. I wintered in Louisiana with no snow and a sprinkle of cold days, while 'back home' in upstate NY, they got a ton of snow before Thanksgiving. I don't miss that white shit at all. Closing in on year's end saw a couple of holiday visits from my husband, and the realization that we need him to move down here, as soon as possible. Living as a single parent is hard; living as a single parent when you're not a single parent is harder. It's taking a toll on me and on my daughter, as she misses her dad terribly between visits. On the one hand I live with a mother who is like Cybil from minute to minute, reminding me of why I left home at 18; on the other, my grandmother with dementia set my Bose Colorsound speaker (it was last year's anniversary gift) on fire last night, and tried to hide the evidence, so I'm done pretending I don't think she belongs in a nursing home, time for Mom to face facts. And my husband leaves tomorrow at 6:30 to return to NY until March, when he will join us here for good, job or house situations be damned. John Glenn, Alan Thicke, Zsa Zsa Gabor, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds.
Ok. It's time for me to start drinking. 2016 wasn't that shitty for me personally, looking back on it now. I saw a lot of change this year, but it was good and necessary change for me, but I have a feeling there's a few more hurdles to come before it's smooth sailing again. Fingers crossed that it's all good. However with Donald Trump becoming president in 2017, I'd say we're all fucked on a national scale.
Here's hoping that 2017 doesn't see the further erosion of health care, civil rights, and environmental policies, but I won't hold my breath.
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