ChickinStew

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Beware the Man-Boys (unfinished draft, 2016)

I work with a handful of male creatures I've nicknamed 'Man-Boys'. I only just today realized that I know at least three Man-Boys, and realized I was onto something when I connected the commonalities in their behaviors. I'm still working out this theory so bear with me.

The Man-Boy is a late 30s/40-something adult man who still retains the interests he had as a 12-year old boy. These interests may include, but are not limited to, superheroes, sports, comic books, drinking liquor, music, boobies, and video games. Now there is nothing wrong with maintaining interests in any of these things; the tip-off is the perennial wide-eyed excitement they get when talking about their interests, paired with an utter lack of interest in so-called 'grown-up' things like politics or current events. But it's great to stay young at heart, you say, so why is this a bad thing? The problem with Man-Boys isn't their interests; those are merely indicators that help you identify the Man-Boy. The problem is that the Man-Boy also retains a boyish sense of right and wrong, mistaking their solipsistic world for the real one the rest of us live in. Theirs is a world where jokes and innuendos soften the edges of reality, and allow them to live in a cushioned bachelor-pad like space that they create for themselves. It is a space without consequences, where only their desires matter, and where other people and their judgments cease to exist.

The Man-Boys I know are typified by what I term their 'perverted' sense of humor. They are the men who make sexual innuendos at every turn, and who everyone sees as 'harmless' and 'endearing' because they're so jocular and witty. Women secretly like to be flattered, so when the Man-Boy makes a sexual innuendo in their direction, they love it, even though ostensibly nothing will come of it. Man-Boys are usually fun to be around, and attract friends (male and female but mostly female) quite easily. They may even be considered the life of the party in the office, the fun guy who always has the clever quip, and a clever view of the world to go with it.

Man-Boys are harmless, you say, they are fun-loving dudes who like boobies and comic books--big deal, you say. I think that with all Man-Boys there is a destructive potentiality in them that goes unrecognized, and that's when they can become dangerous. I think Man-Boys joke about sex and make innuendos because they are fishing. Even if they aren't conscious of it, it is fishing nonetheless. Fishing for anything that feeds their ego: confidence, acceptance by their peers, laughter of women, and possibly, sexual intrigue with female coworkers. If taken to task for a sexual innuendo, they can just insist they are joking, make you feel like a prude, and it is easily brushed off. Man-Boys may not even be conscious that they are seeking validation in this way; they may be even less conscious that they are overtly fishing for sex. But if sex is presented as an option, the ever-hopeful Man-Boy would absolutely jump at the opportunity. Man-Boys likely think that life is like a spy movie, or should be.

The Man-Boys I know all have complicated relationships with the significant others in their lives, and would likely make better bachelors than life partners. Nevertheless, some are (unhappily) married, and others are permanent cohabitators with their SO, since they view marriage as unnecessary (it's 'just a piece of paper' they say). Most don't have children, though I know of at least one exception.

Because Man-Boys usually have a dismissive attitude towards the world generally, and see themselves as Deep Thinkers who are therefore Exceptions to the Rules, as such they usually have pretty loose moral standards. They get away with saying pretty perverted things, or making stupid jokes that give off the (false) impression that they have deeper knowledge and are sexual dynamos. In my experience, this behavior usually indicates that they are lacking in some aspect of their sexuality--maybe they aren't getting any at home, hate their contentious spouse, or they just have small dicks--and make up for this lack by being overtly sexual at every turn.

Some Man-Boys that I know have the self-awareness to see that their behavior is disgusting, but they do it anyway. It's like a compulsion. This one Man-Boy I know said some pretty gruesome, aggressively sexual things about other female coworkers in my hearing. But generally, I think most Man-Boys think their behavior is blameless, and even winning. All of them are capable of being very professional, speaking with intelligence and clarity, thus earning the respect of their peers even while making disgusting sex jokes.

There are plenty of Men out there who do not behave the way Man-Boys behave, which is why the Man-Boy classification is so distinct. They don't drop sexual innuendos in the presence of female coworkers, they don't have an obsession with boyish things or topics; they respect women and view their wives and girlfriends as partners and friends. They enjoy sex, but they aren't constantly trying to validate something in themselves by seeking sexual attention; and their interests usually evolve over time to include more mature matters than the boyish obsession with superheroes and female body parts.

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