Stress Dreams

In the past week I have been subconsciously stressed while waiting to hear the verdict on a job I applied for nearly 6 weeks ago, and this has led to me having stressful dreams.

As if I weren't stressed enough when awake, my subconscious mind is now taking delight in placing me in nightmarish scenarios that don't resolve, and only end when I wake up.

The first dream I was back in high school but as an adult, wandering around labyrinthine hallways, searching for my locker, then finding it, only to discover that I didn't know the combination, and then searching endlessly for my classroom, feeling the entire time that I was going to be late to class. It was like experiencing first-day-of-school jitters all over again, except that I had a full-time day job, and was additionally stressed because I couldn't make the daytime classes. The whole dream I kept saying to myself, 'this is ridiculous, I should be able to find these things, I'm not giving up' but in the end I did give up after wasting hours (in the dream) trying to find the locker and then my classroom and not having any luck. I remember saying something in the dream like, 'I don't need school anyway because I have a job!'

Then this morning I had a work dream--my actual office was in the dream, as well as the people I work with--just the thing I want to dream about on a Sunday morning. In this dream I was suddenly laid off, and wasn't told why. I spent the entire dream trying to find out the reason, texting friends and colleagues to let them know I was fired, but no one would get back to me or even respond. I was shut out cold and left to guess the reason for my dismissal on my own, which was maddening. Was I was late too much? Did they track the amount of time I was on Facebook this week?  Did they find someone better to take my place? Are they laying me off because they are about to promote me to another position? Crazy stuff.

I also bite my nails when I'm really stressed. I was a nail-biter as a child, but as an adult I can control it most of the time, but when I'm stressed, I bite the nails and the skin around the nails, until my fingers are sore. When it's really bad I draw blood because I bite the same area repeatedly. It's pretty awful about now.

I think the way my company handles the interview process is pretty inconsiderate; I mean six weeks wtf?? And I already know I will have to wait another week at least, because some people are still interviewing this coming week, which means nothing will be communicated until the following week at the earliest. That week is also my birthday week. Let's hope it's good news, and that my party turns into a double celebration. In the meantime, I'm going to have to exercise a lot to keep my stress levels in check, and do my best to lose myself in mindless entertainment.